I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
