Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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