In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
