I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Found your dick twin last night
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
