Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
