I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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