My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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