I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
Randomize
