____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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