DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
