Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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