i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
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