Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
