i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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