By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
how drunk are you?
Several
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
