I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
