You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
