Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
