U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
