New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?