he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
high people should be assigned attendants
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
