I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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