I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
