It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
So much Jack, so little girl.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
