Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
