he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
