God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
