just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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