I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Randomize
