Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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