Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
She tied me up with her honor cords...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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