i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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