Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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