Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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