Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
What did we do last night that was yellow?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize