The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
