It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
