she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
