i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
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