you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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