she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
