you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
