Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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