Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
