Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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