So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
