Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
