I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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