that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I've blown a few things in my day
she looked like the before picture.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
