I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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