I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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