tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
