Plan B is the new Plan A
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
