it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
