I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
