I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
