you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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