I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
