sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
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The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
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My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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