battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
