ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
