Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
