You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
