Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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